Well… it is getting bad bordering on a crisis. We haven’t seen a paycheck in months and to my trepidation our lifestyle is beginning to change. That is why I need help. I can’t go on anymore.
First, my feet! Callouses are hardening around my big toes, my nail length is uneven and I still have half painted gel mood polish that is turning blue and then white on the tips of my toes. Do you think I can afford a deluxe pedicure? NO. I have to wear closed-toes shoes to go to the gas station and at the gas station I have to moved down to 1987 gas! I feel like my world is closing in on me.
And my poor husband now has to wait four weeks instead of three weeks to get his hair cut. But I did find out Great Clips have good deals. But..I digress. Then, I need to box bleach my hair leaving undertones of orange in places where I did not know I even had hair! I miss the days of salons and grooming. It’s been like two months!
But the worst is yet to share. Although it was good (I cooked it) we had to eat leftovers. LEFTOVERS for dinner! Has the world gone mad? I was still able to buy green olives, capers, onions and sliced kalamata olives for the sauce but I had to put the regular black olives back in fear I would end up short at the counter.
These lifestyle changes are affecting my son as well. Two days ago I was forced to buy his shoes at Kohl’s on sale with an additional coupon and a half size too big for him because I like to plan for the future. I also bought this cute blue nightie I did not need because a girl has to so what a girl has to do.
Now..listen to this. No more bottled water. Yes, we are drinking tap. Its fresh from the Glacier Natural Forest but sometimes I wonder if a little bear something-something made it through the pipe lines and into my mouth. Should water be creamy and crunchy? I still haven’t decided but at least I have my ice machine.
Turn off the lights people! Have you ever hear of an electric bill? Well I haven’t had one in 6 years. It’s horrendous. Electricity is everywhere and it should be free. But corporate greed wins again. I have put out large rolls of aluminum foils in front of my house to collect solar power. The results are not in yet but I feel it may be promising. I could be the next “Joy.” Well, one can wish.
Next, I had to get a kitten. Umm…who is going to help me pay for the shots? I can cut off the good stuff and using a sewing kit with iodine to keep it clean so we are not co- parents to more kitties but the shot list is endless. Who gets rabies living next to wolves and foxes up a mountain in Montana? It is only extra saliva anyway so that is livable.
I do not mean to be ungrateful. I still have my Damask striped sheets in maroon red and 9 boxes of toothpaste I bought from Costco. So it is really not too bad. I am just afraid it is going to get worse; like switching to generic brands. Generic brands don’t get animal tested! I could die.
Therefore, I am asking for help. Anything will do as long as I do not have to get a job. You can find my GoFundMe page on my Facebook. In addition, I paid for enormous ads in the larger read newspapers to attract the big wigs. Don’t worry there is an online version too so you cannot miss it. I know it will get better…with your help and your money. We are accepting hundred dollar minimums but don’t be afraid to go higher my best best best best friends.
Help me Obi Won Kenobi you are my only hope.
Disclaimer: To be politically correct (for that is the trend) this blog post was only a joke. I actually have given often to people’s GoFundMe pages. I am glad that the resource is there for people who have become ill or lost a family member. Please know I am simply being funny.