The Opposite of Disappointment is Satisfaction

sacral chakra

 

My heart and my mind are ruled by disappointment. I did not know this until a few day ago, but now that I do I feel a spiritual resurrection inside my body.

I must begin when I was the age 30 years old.  I had a dream where I entered a halfway house and the whole room was wall to wall orange. All the furniture was a glowing 70’s orange and I heard on the radio a chorus of 1000’s of angels. Then I woke up.

In reality, the halfway house was called The House of Hope and I was actually trying to be accepted there due to my heavy alcoholism and the fact that I had lost everything. In such places that offer treatment and a place to live, a person must call daily to prove that they are committed to the program. And I called everyday. But there were no beds.

After a few days, I decided to walk in and personally meet the staff. Before I left, I turned to my friend and said I just want to see if it is orange. When I walked up to the gate, much to my surprise, two orange chairs were placed on the sidewalk outside the gate to give to the poor. For some people this may mean nothing, but it was the first bit of hope I had felt in many years.

Of course, the years passed and I always wondered if the color orange meant God or was it just a coincidence. I could not shake this question and the question continued to be unanswered. However, the other day I came across a post about chakras and I googled which chakra represented the color orange. It was the Sacral Chakra and this information delighted me while it never really gave me any answers.

The next night, my son could not sleep and I laid awake for most of the night: thinking and thinking as all good insomniacs do.

I began thinking about my mom and I realized I am not angry with her. I accept her for who she is. But I was extremely disappointed. I was disappointed that she left me at a young age. I was disappointed at the cruel actions she had taken against me over the years. And especially, I was disappointed that when I needed her most, she failed me and never apologized.

But it went further than that. I was disappointed that most of my family was deceased due to their own choices.  I was disappointed at friends who hurt me. I was disappointed at the way the country is in a  civil war over politics. I could go on and on.

However, what was important was the question of how I dealt with being disappointed.  The answer was that I did not deal with it. I shut down. I would never let it show I was hurt. There was my wall! I had always wondered what my wall was exactly. I knew I had walls but I did not know what they were on any deep level.

So what happens when I repress my feelings? Overtime they begin to manifest somewhere else. Additionally, when I feel I have disappointed someone else I become triggered and spin out of  control believing the person I disappointed feels as hurt as I do about even the slightest issue. This feeling of guilt also remains in my body.

And for once in my life, I felt all the repression being released from my body due to this awareness. Lightness began to encapsulate my soul at 3am in the morning. I felt relieved and grateful and I felt hope and love.

Of course I had no idea how to change this pattern that was so ingrained in me after all these years. I thought about calling up all the people that  disappointed in some way, even if it was 25 years ago. That did not seem wise. I prayed God may remove this defect of character. I wondered if I just started being truthful when I was disappointed from this point on, my life would improve. I truly had no idea.

So….I looked up what chakra held disappointment. And there it was. The Orange Sacral Chakra. I couldn’t believe it. And my thoughts drifted back to how my repression manifested in my body. It did not take long to realize at my Sacral chakra line I have had three back surgeries, two hip replacements, a hysterectomy and a c-section. Hmmm. That seemed pretty significant.

Now I understood that disappointment made me stuck. But what was the opposite of disappointment? I really didn’t know. The answer was satisfaction. This idea of “satisfaction” was quite foreign to me. I always perceived things as going wrong. Go figure! My disappointment also contributed to feeling majorly depressed and  becoming extreme anxious.

The unhealthy way to deal with it was addiction and not taking care of one’s self. BUT the way to satisfaction was self care and being rooted in creativity. I was pretty sure I can do that if I wanted to feel what satisfaction brings.

So I am writing this blog on this holy day, thinking about the color orange and God and how I can be creative and decided to share it with the world. The only way to be true to one self is through exposing my brokeness.  And I plan on aligning with my truth any way I can.

Thank you for reading.

In Hipocrisy We Stand

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Have you ever noticed we have a National Day every day? There is a National Holding Hands Day, National Sex Day, National Siblings Day, National Donuts Day? National Best Friends Day? And as far as I can see it never stops. Does no one find this odd? Sometimes I feel like I am the only one.

United States is not  democratic nation  it is a Republic. This shouldn’t be news to anyone unless you were born after the flag salute became vile. And one should know that a Republic nation is ruled over by governmental law whereas a Democratic nation is ruled by the majority .

It is kinda sneaky of the press, our government and the corporations keeping us distracted to look the other way. It seems Democracy and being Republic has changed drastically as the government gains more and more power without ever telling anyone that is it one of the most inefficient governing power in this country.

But let’s look at this closer…first, the “powers that be” cause division. That has obviously happened. But it is important that we remain in conflict rather than staying aware of current topics.  Today’s subject  could easily be Putin capitalizing on Ukraine’s weakness or how poorly the Iranian Nuclear Deal is being managed by our top leaders. Yet,  we are being flooded with news and commentaries  about transgender issues instead. I do believe that transgender issues are important but do they really trump the 20 trillion we owe in debt to other countries? A debt so large we will never be able to pay it off in our lifetimes: clearly not under this Republic controlling the democratic majority.

But please don’t forget National Jerk Chicken day is two days after the Fourth of July. We really need to celebrate more.

Freedoms are slowly being replaced by rules. And unfortunately our vote only counts in theory. The Super Delegates and the Electoral College actually elect our leaders. But don’t worry we can talk about the Zika virus all day and all night to replace the reality that we have no voice left in this country.

Now that is good propaganda! Keep people fearful, while arguing with each other as they celebrate our new National Holidays based on twitter feed and possibly a push from the people who do not want you to hear the news.

One thing I learned living overseas as a US Diplomat’s wife is the public has no idea what is really going on. We are numbers,  populating inside machines that spy on us in order to decide for us what we should know versus what is really happening.

The big news is that employment went up one and half percent and our GDP has been raised. But there is no mention that the debt raised as well and that the people who figure out the percentages of employment do not include those who have given up on searching for work and or those who are partially employed. But on June 27th Rainbow Day is coming. And if you are lucky you will be able to gorge on National Ranch Day too.

Did you know that there were tens’ of thousands of videos where people were burning the Koran the day of the Benghazi attacks? The very reason we were not told it was terrorists and we let our people die. And the Egyptian filmmaker blamed for the evil film is still in jail over other reasons?  People are being thrown under the bus left and right and the news conflicts itself but its all right because National Wait Staff Day keeps us excited about life.

Think very careful on what you are being shown.  Ask yourself why now? Is there something they do not want me to see? The answer most likely is yes.That is what you can do for your country. Keep it real. Don’t let this self-made fast-paced world overwhelm you enough where you can’t see anything straight. That is the biggest danger to us as a nation in the end after all.